What do you do when you’re stuck at home in self-quarantine? If you’re 40-year-old pop star Pink, you have a few drinks and shave your own head. Badly.
Pink shared the video evidence of her questionable decision on Instagram, highlighting the places where she’d accidentally carved too close or cut off an unfortunate angle.
“Hair cuts and drinking. Quarantine diaries,” Pink captioned the video. This right here is the reason we need 5G phone access in every state–so we can watch celebrities go quietly nuts during quarantine.
In the Instagram post, Pink wanders around her house eating pretzels while wearing a hot pink beanie. Then she confesses that the night before, she had a few drinks and got a bright idea.
“I don’t know how much you guys have been drinking during this whole quarantine thing but I’ve decided to make it a sport,” she said. “And I wanted to share something I did last night. When I drink I get really, really brilliant ideas and last night, I got an idea, ‘I can cut hair. I can totally cut hair. Why have I been paying people all this time?’”
Oh honey, no. There’s a reason people have to go to school and get licensed to cut hair.
Pink pulls back her hat to reveal a botched buzz cut. “Am I giving you like, Alyssa Milano vibes right now? Charlize Theron? I don’t know. I might try to fix it tonight. What do you think?”
Honestly, she looks more like Anne Hathaway as Fantine in “Les Miserables.” Did she use a guard on her clippers? Why did she shave off her lady sideburns? Look, Pink is gorgeous and can totally pull off super-short hair. In the video, she has zero makeup on and a pretzel rod sticking out of her mouth like a cigar, and she still looks better than 85% of the population.
But if you’re going to take her advice of “Stay safe, stay home! Cut your own hair, screw it,” make sure that there’s someone else who is self-isolating with you. It’s really, really hard to shave your own head (ask me how I know!), so only attempt this at home if you have a quarantine buddy. Bonus points if that buddy is Chris Evans.
It turns out Pink wasn’t the only one who decided to break out the clippers during lockdown. Chris Evans and his younger brother, Scott, are quarantined together. In a video shared by Scott Evans, he asks, “Is this a good idea? Well, there’s no going back now!”
Reader, it was not a good idea. Chris had to step in and help his brother clean up a few rough spots. Even then, it wasn’t the best buzz in the history of barbershops. If you are bored, drunk or simply desperate for a haircut while stuck at home, we advise a 24-hour waiting period before you reach for the clippers or scissors.