Jennifer Lawrence’s Amazon Wedding Registry Is SO Basic

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Oh, Jennifer. Jen. Jenny. JLaw. Your brand is all about being the Cool Girl (TM) who eats pizza and can beat any bro in a belching contest. Sure, you might be one of the most gorgeous, highest paid, and talented actresses of your generation, but you’re not like those other Hollywood starlets. You’re real!

So why did you agree to team up with Amazon for your blatantly bogus, boringly basic “wedding registry guide”?

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A New Trend We Don’t Like

We were already skeptical when Priyanka Chopra pulled this same stunt ahead of her lavish wedding(s) to Nick Jonas. But Priyanka–although incredibly popular in India–isn’t quite as much of a household name as Jennifer Lawrence in the US. She does not have multiple Oscars on her shelf, nor has she fronted one of the biggest blockbuster film franchises in history.

What I’m saying is that, while Priyanka might have been trying to raise her brand profile by partnering with Amazon, Jennifer Lawrence has little to gain.

Who Wrote This Stuff?

I don’t believe for one second that Jennifer said any of this: “For anyone else needing a little inspiration, I thought it would be fun to collaborate with Amazon to share a few of my favorite registry wish-list items. It’s so easy, and you can find everything you need all in one place.”

I also don’t believe she actually wants or needs a $120 copper fondue set. And if she did? If Jennifer was absolutely mad for dunking bite-sized snacks into a pot of bubbly cheese (which actually does sound like something she’d be into), girlfriend could buy one her dang self.

Jennifer’s fiance Cooke Maroney comes from money. And Jen herself has an estimated net worth of $130 million. They don’t need to register for jack. And to the rest of us, who grab a discount paper towel instead of a cloth napkin and maybe break out the good paper plates while dining at home, the bottom-tier luxury nonsense on her registry is almost insulting.

We know for a fact that this isn’t Jennifer’s real registry–her gift guide is essentially a big ad for Amazon products, such as a Ninja blender or an Instant Pot. Sponcon–that’s “sponsored content,” darling–is the way a lot of stars pad their bottom lines these days. That doesn’t mean we have to like it. Especially when it’s so transparently fake and basic.

Go Big or Go Home

The biggest sin here is that Jennifer Lawrence’s Amazon gift registry is, ultimately, pretty boring. It’s not as over-the-top as Oprah or Gwyneth’s annual gift lists, but nor does it reflect anything about her carefully cultivated public persona. If this was really Jennifer’s list of must-haves, where’s the pizza-covered footie pajamas or industrial-sized container of Cheez Balls? Whence the champagne and ramen?

There’s nothing aspirational, inspirational, sensational, or even interesting about this list. But now that I think of it, I do kinda want an Instant Pot.